Covid-19 Mental Health: The importance of attachment and loss.

This has been a time of significant change, uncertainty and loss for us as a nation. We are having to live in a way that many of us have never experienced in our lifetime. If we compare our relationship to our world and our lives before Covid-19 and now, it could be seen as a global example of the patterns of attachment and loss that often occurs in our interpersonal relationships with others. When things can change so unexpectedly and our sense of security, stability and connection is threatened, we can react in a number of different ways.

When considering the perspective embraced within Bowlbys's theory on attachment, those of us who have what Bowlby terms a ‘secure attachment’, may be able to manage our emotions with greater ease. Individuals with secure attachments are likely to experience some anxiety, nevertheless this tends to feel more tolerable for those of us with this attachment style. As such, we may be able to engage with life in lockdown with less difficulty. For others, who identify with what Bowlby referred to as the ‘anxious/preoccupied’ attachment style, the anxiety can be chronic and feel signigicantly hard to contain. As such, the uncertainty we are facing as a nation could lead some of us to become acutely anxious whereby we run towards what scares us in an attempt to control and contain our anxieties. This can be seen through constantly watching the news, taking in information about the virus, thinking about all the ways that disaster could strike, and not being able to tear oneself away from the news despite the huge anxiety it triggers. Alternatively, for those of us who consider ourselves to have more of an ‘avoidant’ attachment style, the current situation could result in some of us adopting an avoidant approach which can manifest itself in the form of withdrawal, pulling deeper into ourselves and isolating ourselves not only socially but on an emotional level.

The pandemic could also serve as a trigger and amplify the feelings of instability and internal fear once felt as a result of past trauma some individuals have experienced. For example, those who have experienced relational trauma marked by isolation and uncertain or inconsistent relationships with early caregivers. Such triggers can bring with it intrusive images and memories of that time and make a person feel as if they are experiencing the trauma all over again. This may lead to a distinct sense of disorientation or chaos in ones’ emotional world which often charachterises the experiences of individuals who may identify with having a ‘disorganised/unresolved’ attachment style. This could result in a lack of focus or an underlying sense of restlessness and inner turmoil.

Whatever emotional responses living through this pandemic may evoke in us as a collective and as individuals, there is no way to deny or avoid the painful reality we are all living in. As we can see the impact of Covid-19 has meant immense suffering for thousands of people, not only globally but in our particular corner of the world. So many have experienced the devastation of losing loved ones without the opportunity to hold them again and say goodbye in a way that feels satisfactory and meaningful. Instead, that attachment has been lost, at times with no warning, and with no way for those who have been bereaved to share with their loved ones a final physical expression of their love. These members of our community will go through the cycle of grief not only as a result of losing their loved one but due to the shock of losing the opportunity to say goodbye.

Ways to ease the burden

Whoever you are, and however you have been affected I encourage you to focus on ways to take care of yourself. This is mainly through treating yourselves with huge amounts of compassion and asking yourself what you really need to feel cared for and nurtured at this time. Whatever may help to soften the blow. This can also mean surrounding yourself with the things and the people that make you feel the most seen, safe and soothed. The ones that show you with every fibre of their being that you will not have to walk through this experience alone.

Psychological support/therapy also provides an invaluable way of helping us survive the threat of Covid-19 not only to our health, but to our most loved and treasured relationships. It can also support you to find your own way to begin to bear the unbearable especially if you have been affected by loss.

You are not alone

If you have been impacted in any way and are struggling to cope, please know that social distancing does not have to mean emotional isolation. Reach out in whatever way you can when you feel ready knowing that because of our shared humanity, there are thousands of people all over the world that are standing in solidarity with you, myself included. It would be a privilege to support you. As such, I am offering a free psychological support session to whoever might need it.